Saturday, February 14, 2009

Stella Awards

A cousin to the "Darwin Awards". Unfortunately these people are still walking around today...
>> **It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella
>> Awards"**
>>
>> The Stella's are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled
>> coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in NM). That case
>> inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous,
>> successful lawsuits in the United States.
>>
>> Here are this year's winners:
>>
>> 5th Place (tie):
>>
>> Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of
>> her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was
>> running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were
>> understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving
>> little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
>>
>> 5th Place (tie):
>>
>> 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical
>> expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr.
>> Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the
>> car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
>>
>> 5th Place (tie):
>>
>> Terrence Dickson Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had
>> just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get
>> the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was
>> malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door
>> connecting the house and garage
>> locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr.
>> Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He
>> subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog
>> food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused
>> him undue mental anguish. The jury
>> agreed to the tune of $500,000.
>>
>> 4th Place:
>>
>> Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and
>> medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door
>> neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced
>> yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog
>> might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams
>> who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it
>> repeatedly with a pellet gun.
>>
>> 3rd Place:
>>
>> A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
>> Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink
>> and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor
>> because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier
>> during an argument.
>>
>> 2nd Place:
>>
>> Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a
>> night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom
>> window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This
>> occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in
>> the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was
>> awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
>>
>> 1st Place. This year's run away winner was:
>>
>> Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
>>
>> Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On
>> her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto
>> the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the
>> drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not
>> surprisingly, the RV left the
>> freeway, crashed and overturned.
>>
>> Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's
>> manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her
>> $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their
>> manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other
>> complete morons around.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

No Time To Panic

Jonah Goldberg:
It's no time to panic
Economic crisis is leading some to abandon time-honored wisdom.
Jonah Goldberg
December 16, 2008
» Discuss Article We are in what might be called the Great Freakout of 2008.

The Federal Reserve is a hair's breadth from pushing interest rates to
zero percent. After that, all that's left is offering a free set of
steak knives with every bag of cash. We're moving quickly toward
nationalizing the domestic auto industry, fast on the heels of
partially nationalizing banking. The outgoing Bush administration is
having a clearance sale on its few remaining items of fiscal
restraint, while the incoming Obama crew is promising infrastructure
"investments" the likes of which we haven't seen since the 1950s.

Meanwhile, journalistic Brahmins, who last year would have
spontaneously combusted at any hint of government meddling in the
Fourth Estate, now openly debate whether we should revive the Federal
Writers' Project to give jobs to scribes thrown out in the cold by
newspaper downsizing.

The freakout is understandable. Economic trust is breaking down.
Investors are buying Treasury bills that pay no interest because
they're scared to leave their money even in insured banks. Consumer
spending has dropped off a cliff. Some analysts forecast an annualized
GDP rate of negative 8% for the fourth quarter. Soon you'll be able to
pay for a Cadillac with chickens.

But here's a point nearly everyone understands from his own life
experience: It is not a good idea to make big, life-altering decisions
when you're freaking out.

Everyone's had moments when everything appears to be falling apart.
(If you haven't, here's a heads up: You're long overdue.) And these
are precisely the moments when we should take a walk around the block.
After all, we adopt healthy habits and strong principles because we
trust that they will minimize chaos and misery in our lives. The
inevitable crises don't call for trading that course for eternal
panic.

The same holds true with public policy. George W. Bush's harshest
critics certainly understood this point when it came to 9/11. Their
narrative holds that the Bush administration and its enablers, driven
mad by 9/11, made wholesale changes to our constitutional order in the
name of an elusive "security" that were unwarranted, counterproductive
and immoral. I don't think the Patriot Act was overkill, but anyone
who has dealt with the absurdities of air travel in recent years knows
the drawbacks of policy by freakout.

But now that we have the equivalent of an economic 9/11, much of the
same crowd sees its chance to lock in ideas that would be unthinkable
during saner times, this time in the name of "economic security." As
Rahm Emanuel, President-elect Barack Obama's incoming chief of staff,
said last month, "You don't ever want a crisis to go to waste; it's an
opportunity to do important things that you would otherwise avoid."

So much for "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

Contrary as it might seem these days, economic knowledge is
cumulative. We know things today that we didn't know 50 or 100 years
ago. As Christopher DeMuth, outgoing president of the American
Enterprise Institute, noted in a recent speech, we know that
tightening the money supply at a moment like this is among the worst
things you can do. The United States tightened money at the dawn of
the Great Depression, and that's one of the reasons it was "Great."
Today, based on that knowledge, we're doing the opposite.

And the more we know, the richer we get. If you plotted a trend line
of Western prosperity since the dawn of capitalism, you'd see a line
moving reliably upward over centuries. Zoom in close on any given
period and the more jagged the line appears, zigging up and zagging
down like a stock that's volatile on a given day, but trending
steadily upward over the year.

Look at that line from, say, 1929 to 1939, and sure, there was a lot
more zagging down than zigging up. But in part that's because
policymakers thought the crisis was proof that capitalism itself had
been discredited.

Today you can hear similar talk from a chorus of progressives,
convinced that laissez faire is dead and we must now rethink
everything, reinvent our economic order or return to what New York
Times columnist Paul Krugman calls "New Deal economics."

By all means let the nation do what it must to keep the downward dip
as short and shallow as possible. But let's not, in a quest for
security, abandon good habits and forget the hard-learned lessons that
have given us so much.

jgoldberg@latimescolumnists.com

Sunday, February 8, 2009

The One Flaw In Women

The One Flaw In Women



By the time the Lord made woman,

He was into his sixth day of working overtime.

An angel appeared and said,

'Why are you spending so much time on this one?'

And the Lord answered, 'Have you seen my spec sheet on her?

She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,

have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable

and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,

have a lap that can hold four children at one time,

have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart

- and she will do everything

with only two hands.'



The angel was astounded at the requirements.

'Only two hands!? No way!

And that's just on the standard model?

That's too much work for one day.

Wait until tomorrow to finish.'



'But I won't, ' the Lord protested.

'I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.

She already heals herself when she is sick

AND can work 18 hour days.'



The angel moved closer and touched the woman.

'But you have made her so soft, Lord.'



'She is soft,' the Lord agreed,

'but I have also made her tough.

You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.'



'Will she be able to think?', asked the angel.



The Lord replied,

'Not only will she be able to think,

she will be able to reason and negotiate.'



The angel then noticed something,

and reaching out , touched the woman's cheek.

'Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.

I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.'



'That's not a leak,'

the Lord corrected,

'that's a tear!'

'What's the tear for?' the angel asked.



The Lord said, 'The tear is her way of expressing her joy,

her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,

her loneliness, her grief and her pride.'

The angel was impressed.

'You are a genius, Lord.

You thought of everything!

Woman is truly amazing.'



And she is!

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness,

love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take 'no' for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

y et they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e- mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have vital things to say and everything to give



HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE TINY FLAW IN WOMEN,



IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

PLEASE pass this along to your women friends and relatives

to remind them just how amazing they are.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Special Story


This story has been around before, but is such a wonderful story, especially this time of the year.



This is a wonderful story, please take the time to read it, you won't regret it.

What goes around comes around ! ! !


The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to
the finer things of life.. Her coat was new. She looked like that she
had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she
wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before.

'Leave me alone,' he growled.

To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her
even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows. 'Are you hungry?' she
asked.

'No,' he answered sarcastically. 'I've just come from dining with the
president. Now go away.' The woman's smile became even broader.
Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm.

'What are you doing, lady?' the man asked angrily. 'I said to leave me
alone.

Just then a policeman came up. 'Is there any problem, ma'am?' he asked.

'No problem here, officer,' the woman answered. 'I'm just trying to get
this man to his feet. Will you help me?'

The officer scratched his head. 'That's old Jack. He's been a fixture
around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?'

'See that cafeteria over there?' she asked. 'I'm going to get him
something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile.'

'Are you crazy, lady?' the homeless man resisted. 'I don't want to go
in there!' Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up.

'Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything.'

'This is a good deal for you, Jack,' the officer answered. 'Don't blow
it..'

Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got
Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It
was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had
already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived. The manager
strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table.


'What's going on here, officer?' he asked. 'What is all this. Is this man in trouble?'

'This lady brought this man in here to be fed,' the policeman answered.

'Not in here!' the manager replied angrily. 'Having a person like that
here is bad for business.'

Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. 'See, lady. I told you so. Now if
you'll let me go. I didn't want to come here in the first place.'

The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. 'Sir, are you
familiar with Eddy and Associates, the banking firm down the street?'

'Of course I am,' the manager answered impatiently. 'They hold their
weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms.'

'And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these
weekly meetings?'

'What business is that of yours?'

'I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company.'


'Oh.'

The woman smiled again. 'I thought that might make a difference.' She
glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a giggle. 'Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?'

'No thanks, ma'am,' the officer replied. 'I'm on duty.'

'Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?'

'Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice.'

The cafeteria manager turned on his heel 'I'll get your coffee for you
right away, officer.'

The officer watched him walk away. 'You certainly put him in his
place,' he said.

'That was not my intent. Believe it or not, I have a reason for all
this.'

She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest She
stared at him intently. 'Jack, do you remember me?'


Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes 'I think so -- I
mean you do look familiar.'

'I'm a little older perhaps,' she said. 'Maybe I've even filled out
more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through
that very door, cold and hungry.'

'Ma'am?' the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such
a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.

'I was just out of college,' the woman began. 'I had come to the city
looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to
my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the
streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I
saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get
something to eat.'

Jack lit up with a smile. 'Now I remember,' he said. 'I was behind the
serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for
something to eat. I said that it was against company policy.'

'I know,' the woman continued. 'Then you made me the biggest roast beef
sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to
go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get
into trouble. Then, when I looked over, I saw you put the price of my
food in the cash register I knew then that everything would be all
right.'


'So you started your own business?' Old Jack said.

'I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I
started my own business, that, with the help of God, prospered.' She
opened her purse and pulled out a business card. 'When you are finished
here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel
director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll
find something for you to do around the office.' She smiled. 'I think
he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you
can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your
feet. If you ever need anything, my door is always opened to you.'

There were tears in the old man's eyes. 'How can I ever thank you? ' he
said.

'Don't thank me,' the woman answered. 'To God goes the glory. Thank
Jesus.. He led me to you.'

Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance
before going their separate ways. 'Thank you for all your help,
officer,' she said.


'On the contrary, Ms. Eddy,' he answered. 'Thank you. I saw a miracle
today, something that I will never forget. And...And thank you for the
coffee.'

If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing. If you have
missed some of my emails, you might have missed a laugh.

But, if you have missed knowing my LORD and SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST, you
have missed everything in the world.

Have a Wonderful Day. May God Bless You Always. And don't forget that
when you 'cast your bread upon the waters,' you never know how it will
be returned to you.


(Hope this is repeated many times today!)


God is so big He can cover the whole world with his Love and so small
He can curl up inside your heart.



HAVE A SUPER GOOD DAY!!!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Funny.

Yesterday one of our young public school students pointed at a picture in a book and said,
'Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!'
I took a deep breath, then asked,
'What did you call it?'
'It's a frickin' elephant! It says so'!


And so it does...



















' A f r i c a n Elephant '


Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Monday, February 2, 2009

Mental Feng Shui

Begin forwarded message:




Mental Feng Shui

This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received. Hope it works for you -- and me!


Lotus Touts: You have 6 minutes


There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This Lotus Touts has been sent to you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so far.


Do not keep this message.


The Lotus Touts mus t leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.


ONE.
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO.
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, t heir conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE.
Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR.
When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE.
When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN.
Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT.
Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE.
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN..
In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN.
Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE.
Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN! ....
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

FOURTEEN.
Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN.
Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN.
Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN.
When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.


TWENTY- ONE.
Spend some time alone.

Now, here's the FUN part!

Send this to at least 5 people and your life will improve. 1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.

5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.

9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks

15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.


A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
Do not keep this
message.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

AZ Highways

Read The Caption on the first photo then look at the second photo




Look at the picture above and you can see where this driver broke through the guardrail, on the right side of the culvert, where the people are standing on the road, pointing. The pick-up was traveling about 75 mph from right to left when it crashed through the guardrail. It flipped end-over-end, bounced off and
across the culvert outlet and landed right side up on the left side of the culvert, facing the opposite direction from which the driver was traveling. The 22-year-old driver and his 18-year-old passenger were unhurt except for minor cuts and bruises.


Just outside Flagstaff , AZ on U.S. Hwy 100.




Now look at the second picture below...











If this guy didn't believe in GOD before, do you suppose he believes now? Share this your email family and friends. Let this be a reminder to all of us, GOD is in control!

God's Pharmacy

Well, I don't know about you, but I don't think I'll ever be able to eat figs again. ---PEF


A
friend sent this to me.
It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish... all before making a human.

He made and provided what we'd need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw We're such slow learners...

God left us great clues as to what foods help what part of our body!
Gods Pharmacy! Amazing!



A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.



A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.



Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.




A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.


Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.



Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones.
These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.


Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).



Figs are full
of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.



Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.


Olives
assist the health and function of the ovaries


Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.


Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion,Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.