Sunday, November 30, 2008

Thoughts By Ducky

I thought we all could use a little more irony, sarcasm, and wit in our lives. Afterall, its not like any of us had to put up with that from miscellaneous relatives on Turkey Day at all! Hey, with these little gems, you can be the entertaining wiz at the table during Christmas dinner. ---PEF

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?'
She hit me.

How come we choose from just
two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Ya just might want to pass this along....

No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 270.7.3/1693 - Release Date: 9/26/2008 7:35 AM

Location Matters...

This one is great. Who doesn't have anything to do but wonder what the people in other states would look like if they were celebrities? For the record, it made me actually laugh out loud. --PEF

>>>What celebrities would look like if they moved to Utah


Saturday, November 29, 2008

Traitors and Tyrants

Sorry for all the political forwards, but hey. What can I say? Nothing makes people itch to press that little forward button like a good ol' political message that hits the heart just right.

And I love the off-centered text, the >, the virus scanning message at the bottom....nothing says THIS IS A VERIFIED MESSAGE like all the internet trails showing how many inboxes it went in and out of before landing in yours!--PEF

In Memory of
LT. C.Thomsen Wieland
who spent 100 days at the Hanoi Hilton
She really was a Traitor
She really was a traitor

This is for all the kids born in the 70's who do
not remember, and didn't have to bear the
burden that our fathers, mothers and older
brothers and sisters had to bear.
Jane Fonda is being honored as one of the
"100 Women of the Century."
Roman; font-size: 16px; ">
Unfortunately, many have forgotten and still
countless others have never known how Ms.
Fonda betrayed not only the idea of our country,
but specific men who served and sacrificed
during Vietnam

The first part of this is from an F-4E pilot
The pilot's name is Jerry Driscoll, a River Rat.
In 1968, the former Commandant of the USAF
Survival School was a POW in Ho Lo Prison
the "Hanoi Hilton."
Dragged from a stinking cesspit of a cell,
cleaned, fed, and dressed in clean PJ's, he was
ordered to describe for a visiting American
"Peace Activist" the "lenient and humane
treatment" he'd received.
He spat at Ms. Fonda, was clubbed, and was
dragged away.
During the subsequent beating, he fell forward
on to the camp Commandant 's feet, which !
sent that officer berserk.
In 1978, the Air Force Colonel still suffered from
double vision (which permanently ended his
flying career) from the Commandant's frenzied
application of a wooden baton.
From 1963-65, Col. Larry Carrigan was in the
47FW/DO (F-4E's). He spent 6 years in the
"Hanoi Hilton",,, the first three of which his
family only knew he was "missing in action".
His wife lived on faith that he was still alive.
His group, too, got the cleaned-up, fed and
clothed routine in preparation for a
"peace delegation" visit.
They, however, had time and devised a plan to
get word to the world that they were alive
and still survived. Each man secreted a tiny
piece of paper, with his Social Security Number
on it, in the palm of his hand.
When paraded before Ms. Fonda and a
cameraman, she walked the line, shaking each
man's hand and asking little encouraging
snippets like: "Aren't you sorry you bombed
babies?" and "Are you grateful for the humane
treatment from your benevolent captors?"
Believing this HAD to be an act, they each
palmed her their sliver of paper.
She took them all without missing a beat. At the
end of the line and once the camera stopped
rolling, to the shocked disbelief of the POWs,
she turned to the officer in charge and handed
him all the little pieces of paper.
Three men died from the subsequent beatings.
Colonel Carrigan was almost number four
but he survived, which is the only reason we
know of her actions that day.
Roman; font-size: 16px; ">
I was a civilian economic development advisor
in Vietnam , and was captured by the North
Vietnamese communists in South Vietnam in
1968, and held prisoner for over 5 years.
I spent 27 months in solitary confinement; one
year in a cage in Cambodia ; and one year
in a "black box" in Hanoi .
My North Vietnamese captors deliberately
poisoned and murdered a female missionary, a
nurse in a leprosarium in Ban me Thuot, South
Vietnam , whom I buried in the jungle near the
Cambodian border.
At one time, I weighed only about 90 lbs.
(My normal weight is 170 lbs.)

We were Jane Fonda's "war criminals."
When Jane Fonda was in Hanoi , I was asked by
the camp communist political officer if I would
be willing to meet with her.
I said yes, for I wanted to tell her about the real
treatment we POWs received... and how
different it was from the treatment purported by
the North Vietnamese, and parroted by her as
"humane and lenient."
Because of this, I spent three days on a rocky
floor on my knees, with my arms outstretched
with a large steel weights placed on my hands,
and beaten with a bamboo cane.
I had the opportunity to meet with Jane Fonda
soon after I was released. I asked her
if she would be willing to debate me on TV.
She never did answer me.
These first-hand experiences do not exemplify
someone who should be honored as part
of "100 Years of Great Women."
Lest we forget..." 100 Years of Great Women"
should never include a traitor whose hands are
covered with the blood of so many patriots.
There are few things I have strong visceral
reactions to, but Hanoi Jane's participation in
blatant treason, is one of them.
Please take the time to forward to as many
people as you possibly can.
It will eventually end up on her computer and
she needs to know that we will never forget.
716 Maintenance Squadron, Chief of
DSN: 875-6431
COMM: 883-6343

No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.

Friday, November 28, 2008

The REAL story

I am starting to think that the only thing that gets forwarded as much as politically-minded anecdotes would be blurbs regarding religion. Hmmm...PEF


Here is the total story.
An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!," he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a seven-foot grizzly bear charge towards him! He ran as fast as he could up the path.

He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

The atheist looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him.

At that instant the atheist cried out, "Oh Dear God. Please Help Me!"

Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a Voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.

Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the Light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps You could make the bear a Christian?"

"Very well," said the Voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped its right paw, brought both paws together, bowed its head, and spoke,

"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, - Amen."

The Duck's Revenge

For those of you who don't eat Turkey, Chicken, or Goose at your holiday feast.... or who just like to hunt in general..... ---PEF

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Click The Turkey!!

Ooooh, I love it when I get a forward that has the subject line in the body of the email, along with a whole lotta addresses!
Seriously though, this was actually one of the cuter Thanksgiving Emails I received this year. So enjoy!---PEF


Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying
only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled

John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder, John in
desperation threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said ....."I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.

I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.

"John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Happy Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Parking Tickets

I really love it when people send me forward that have tons of these: > > > >
It just makes my day.

This is such a good idea and think how many retired people it could amuse!

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their
>days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went
>into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there
>was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
>I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person
>a break"? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a
>He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
>So I called him a "Doughnut eating Gestapo". He finished the second ticket
>and put in on the windshield with the first.
>Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.
>The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
>Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus and the car that he
>was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in '08. "
>I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to
>my health.....

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Because Everyone Has Time For Sarcasm

Seriously, do the people who forwarded this even realize they single-handedly filled up everyone's inbox in their address book?? People, if it has an image it takes up more space. So unless it is IMPORTANT (which this isn't...although this one is actually kind of funny) please keep it to yourself. --PEF

*To see the images better, click on them!*