PUNS

Gotta love all the >>> that are attached to this one!



> >> >
> >> > Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
> >> bowlers.
> >> > However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a
> >> fire.
> >> Thus
> >> > we'll never know for whom the Tell's bowled.
> >> >
> >> > A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think
> >> I'm
> >> > shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll
> >> just have
> >> > to be a little patient."
> >> >
> >> > A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered
> >> dolphins
> >> that
> >> > could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One
> >> day
> >> his
> >> > supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more.
> >> On
> >> the
> >> > way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake
> >> them,
> >> he
> >> > gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged
> >> with
> >> > transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
> >> >
> >> > A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk
> >> remedies
> >> with
> >> > the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a
> >> > particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When
> >> the
> >> > anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye
> >> and
> >> > said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
> >> >
> >> > Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted
> >> to
> >> produce
> >> > other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket
> >> watches,
> >> > decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It
> >> turned
> >> out
> >> > that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses
> >> were so
> >> > bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than
> >> California.
> >> > This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a
> >> Tates
> >> is
> >> > lost!"
> >> >
> >> > A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the
> >> lavatory
> >> > equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely
> >> nothing
> >> > to go on."
> >> >
> >> > An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
> >> man.
> >> After
> >> > a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of
> >> elk hide
> >> > and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew, and
> >> swallow one
> >> > inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man
> >> returned
> >> to
> >> > see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The
> >> thong
> >> is
> >> > ended, but the malady lingers on."
> >> >
> >> > A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his
> >> name
> >> > missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to
> >> the
> >> local
> >> > civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken
> >> Leif
> >> off
> >> > my census."
> >> >
> >> >
> >>
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