Midwest Tourism

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> > Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and
> > Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin,
> > Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, Michigan, North
> > Dakota, and South Dakota; those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a
> set
> > of information guidelines.
> >
> > In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest. The following list
> > will be handed to each driver entering the state:
> >
> > 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
> > breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
> >
> >
> > 2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're
> > going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I
> > need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
> >
> >
> > 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
> > Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
> >
> >
> > 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
> > you whipped... by our women.
> >
> > 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
> > flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
> > little trout you fish for ..........bait.
> >
> > 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
> >
> > 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
> > final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to
> > your ear at the time.
> >
> > 8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what
> > you paid in the airport for one drink.
> >
> > 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
> > it rare. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of
> > ham and turkey.
> >
> > 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
> > over ice.
> >
> > 11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're
> > real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use
> > two weeks a year.
> >
> > 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
> > it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
> >
> >
> > 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So,
> > you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
> >
> > 14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi
> > and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
> >
> > 15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like
> > it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways--Interstates 29 & 35 go the
> other
> > two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
> >
> > 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
> > holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
> >
> > 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
> > Understand the concept?
> >
> > 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks
> > the fish.
> >
> > 19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like
> > an idiot....his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
> >
> > Now, enjoy your visit.
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