Tech Support

I thought you might enjoy this. I deal with things like these all the time.

Don't feel stupid about using your computer - read on. This is an
excerpt from a Wall Street Journal article:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to
"Press Return Key" because of the
flood of calls asking where the "Any Key" is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
hard to control with the dust cover on.
The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
diskettes. A few days later a letter
arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.

4. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to
fax anything. After 40 minutes of
troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a
piece of paper by holding it in front of
the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he
was "bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad
command" and "invalid" responses
shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He
told the technician that the computer
had said "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried turning the
computer screen to face the printer but that
his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get
her new Dell Computer to turn on.
After ensuring that the computer was plugged in, the technician asked
her what happened when she pushed
the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal
and nothing happens." The "foot
pedal"
turned out to be the mouse.

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new
computer wouldn't work. She said
she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes
waiting for something to happen. When asked
what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power
switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang for
support. "I put in the first disk, and
that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and I had some problems
with the disk. When it said to put in
the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in...." The user hadn't realized
that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1
first.

10. In a similar incident, a customer had followed the instructions for
installing software. The instructions said
to remove the disk from its cover and insert into the drive. The user
had physically removed the casing of the
disk and wondered why there were problems.

11. True story from a Novell NetWare Sysop: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech
Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty
period. How do I go about getting
that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
Did you receive this as part of a
promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it
have any trademark on it?"
Caller: It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a
promotion. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't
stand it. He was laughing too hard. The
caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup
holder and snapped it off the drive.

12. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was
running it under "Windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next
to the door. But that is a good
point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and
his printer is working fine."

13. Tech Support: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at
the same time. That brings up a task
list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up
the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have that."
Tech: "On your keyboard Bob".
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech: "P on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that."

Now, don't you feel better about your skill level?