Sunday, November 2, 2008

Just Look Both Ways...

BARACK OBAMA: Uh, the um, chicken crossed the uh, road
> because um, it was
> uh, time for a um, change! The uh, chicken wanted um,
> change!
> *
> JOHN MC CAIN:* My friends, that chicken crossed the road
> because he
> recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue
> with all the
> chickens on the other side of the road...
> *
> JOE BIDEN: I'm not saying anything because Barack
> told me to keep my mouth
> shut!*
> HILLARY CLINTON:* When I was First Lady, I personally
> helped that little
> chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me
> uniquely qualified to
> ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this
> country gets the chance
> it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really
> isn't about me.
> *
> GEORGE W. BUSH:* We don't really care why the chicken
> crossed the road. We
> just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the
> road, or not. The
> chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle
> ground here.
> *
> DICK CHENEY:* Where's my gun?
> *
> COLIN POWELL: *Now to the left of the screen, you can
> clearly see the
> satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
> *
> BILL CLINTON:* I did not cross the road with that chicken.
> What is your
> definition of crossing?
> *
> AL GORE* : I invented the chicken.
> *
> JOHN KERRY: * Although I voted to let the chicken cross
> the road, I am now
> against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was
> misled about the
> chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will
> remain against it.
> *
> AL SHARPTON*: Why are so many chickens white? We need more
> black chickens.
> *DR. PHIL: *The problem we have here is that this chicken
> won't realize
> that he must first deal with the problem on this side of
> the road before it
> goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What
> we need to do is
> help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking
> on his current
> problems before adding new problems.
> *
> OPRAH: *Well, I understand that the chicken is having
> problems, which is why
> he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having
> the chicken learn
> from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life,
> I'm going to give
> this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the
> road and not live
> his life like the rest of the chickens.
> *
> ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:* We have reason to believe there is a
> chicken, but we
> have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side
> of the road.
> *
> NANCY GRACE:* That chicken crossed the road because
> he's guilty! You can see
> it in his eyes and the way he walks.
> *
> PAT BUCHANAN:* To steal the job of a decent, hardworking
> American.
> *MARTHA STEWART:* No one called me to warn me which way
> that chicken was
> going. I had a standing order at the Farmers Market to sell
> my eggs when the
> price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me
> any insider
> information.
> *DR SEUSS:* Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it
> with a toad?
> Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed
> I've not been told.
> *
> ERNEST HEMINGWAY: *To die in the rain, alone.
> *
> REVEREND FIREBRAND: *Because the chicken was gay! Can't
> you people see the
> plain truth? That's why they call it the other side.
> Yes, my friends, that
> chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will
> become gay, too. I
> say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
> abomination that the
> liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases
> like the other
> side. That chicken should not be crossing the road.
> It's as plain and as
> simple as that.
> *
> GRANDPA:* In my day we didn't ask why the chicken
> crossed the road. Somebody
> told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good
> enough.
> *
> BARBARA WALT ERS: *Isn't that interesting? In a few
> moments, we will be
> listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the
> heart warming story
> of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went
> on to accomplish
> its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
> *
> ARISTOTLE:* It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
> *
> SUSAN SARANDON: Because it was coming to pose for our new
> national flag once
> Obama's elected.*
> *JOHN LENNON: *Imagine all the chickens in the world
> crossing roads
> together, In peace.
> *BILL GATES:* I have just released eChicken2008, which will
> not only cross
> roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents,
> and balance your
> checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of
> eChicken2008. This new
> platform is much more stable and will never crash.
> *
> ALBERT EINSTEIN: *Did the chicken really cross the road, or
> did the road
> move beneath the chicken?
> *
> COLONEL SANDERS:* Did I miss one?
> ------------------------------
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