Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was

nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped

up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'



With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and

read the letter.



Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with

my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.



I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.



But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing,

tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I

am. But it' s not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.



Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and

has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having

many more children.



Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt

anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other

people that live nearby for cocaine and ec stasy.



In the meantime we will pray that science finds a cure for AIDS so

Stacy can get better. She deserves it.



Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm

sure that we will be back to visit so that you can

get to know your grandchildren.



Love, Your Son John





PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.



I just wanted to remind you there are worse things in life than the Report

Card in my desk drawer.



I love you.



Call me when it's safe to come home.